My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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