Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
