even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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