Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
