i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
