Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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