I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
