I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
