So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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