Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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