Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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