Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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