This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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