somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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