Don't you send me to vm
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize