Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My vagina just recognized that song.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
