Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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