If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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