I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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