Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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