I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
