the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think I just sharted jello shots
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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