whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
