someone owes me an orgasm
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
