I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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