I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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