if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize