grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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