think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
