I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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