In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
