Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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