I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
