My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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