I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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