he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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