I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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