Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
