I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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