I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
