tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
