He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
