So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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