A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
