life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
