Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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