We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
