it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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