We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
as a side note pls kill me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
