omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize