Say something about gay babies.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
