girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
