Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
