she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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