so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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