Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
