Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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