Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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