I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
