You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need a beard to bite.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
