she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize