you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
pray to the hookup gods
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
