I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
