Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
