Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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