just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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