I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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