woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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