I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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