Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
