it hurts more in the daytime
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
