he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
