i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
