i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
