Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
