Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
