I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
