Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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