you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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