it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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