My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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