Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
