Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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