I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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