Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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