Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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