I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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