I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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