Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Still dying that you shit outside
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
